


HONNE | honda kiku

by nihilisten



Series: my reader inserts [12]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Kinda, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilisten/pseuds/nihilisten
Summary: Getting Kiku to speak his true mind isn't easy.You're not one to back down from a challenge, though.[honda kiku/reader]





	HONNE | honda kiku

**Author's Note:**

> 本音( _honne_ ) - words stemming from one's true feelings.

_Click. Click. Click._

_Screech!_

“Dude, calm down. You’re gonna break my controller.”

“…”

_Click, click, click._

_Clickclickclickclickclick._

Alfred looked at you with terror on his face. Fingers holding on the controller so tightly that they turned white, eyes full of madness and the desire to kill – you looked absolutely _dreadful_. Never mind the fact that you’d already beaten him three times in Mario Kart, if he didn’t let you play you were bound to kill someone.

“My, my. Rough week?” Francis sing-sang from behind your back.

It was weekend and you were hanging out with Alfred and Francis. Usually their company would make your patience run out in a split second, but this time you really needed to take your mind off of stuff. The three of you gathered at Alfred’s place to play video games, eat fast food and, above all, gossip.

“Ahh, I feel better now,” you sighed as your player character finished first yet again.

Feeling the tension slowly leave your body, you put the controller down and leaned on the back of the couch. Alfred quickly snatched it away, just in case you wanted to unload your murderous intent on it.

“You kinda reminded me of Ivan, dude… So scary,” he trembled, then proceeded to eat away his fear by biting into a hamburger. You, on the other hand, just sat there unimpressed, chin resting on the back of your palm.

“Ivan pretends to be nice. I don’t.”

The dangerous flash in your eyes made Alfred flinch. Francis, who was laying on the floor, swallowed hard, then chuckled.

“I think _you_ are pretending that nothing’s bothering you, though?”

“ _Do you wish to die?_ ” a growl escaped your throat, but the Frenchman withstood the daggers you glared at him. You let out another heavy sigh. “…To be honest, I’m not sure. I’ve been irritated all week, but have no idea why.”

“You’re in love!” declared Francis.

“Hah?! Why do you always bring romance into everything?”

“I bet it’s Kiku.”

Silence fell as you slowly processed Francis’ words. When their meaning finally sank in, you almost fell to the floor.

“What the hell did that came from?” mind blank, you looked absolutely dumbstruck. “We’re friends.”

“Come on, Y/N. Everyone and their mum knows that Kiku has had a crush on you since forever.”

“H-haah…”

You weren’t sure how to react to that. Romance wasn’t your forte, but even you noticed the way Kiku acted around you – every now and then casual mannerisms would slip through his polite language, followed by an embarrassed apology, despite your constant assurance that it was _absolutely okay_ to drop the honorifics and whatnot. Kiku was an extremely serious person, dense even. Didn’t stop you from finding him endearing.

Yeah, you definitely didn’t mind him having a crush on you. The thing is, knowing how he had trouble speaking directly, it was almost certain he’d never make the first move.

“Y-you think so?” you finally spoke up.

“Seriously, big brother wishes someone looked at him the way Kiku looks at you,” Francis hummed, almost as if he was savouring the misery that appeared on your face. “He’s head over heels in love.”

“I don’t need you to rub it in my face,” you pressed your temples in exasperation.

“Well, do you like him?”

“ _Francis_.”

“Fine, fine, of course you do,” the Frenchman chuckled. “Ask him.”

Question marks filled your mind at the simple, yet incomprehensible answer. You looked over at Alfred as if in search for support, but the American, face stuffed with a hamburger, only gave you a thumbs up.

Sighing, you turned back to Francis. “Kiku won’t give me a direct answer.”

“He will. If anyone can make him speak his true mind, it’s you,” Francis winked and quickly dodged your shoe that came flying towards his head.

* * *

For the time being, you’d forgotten that oh-so-very-useful piece of advice.

You and Kiku continued to hang out like every other day: watching anime, reading manga and light novels, playing games, going to a karaoke. You felt comfortable around the soft Japanese guy – his presence was calming and you two could never get enough of talking.

However, as the two of you spent more time together, Francis’ words would pop up in your mind every now and then.

_Ask him._

“There’s no way in hell I could do that,” you muttered under your breath.

“Do what, Y/N-chan?”

_Shit!_

Lost in thought, you didn’t realise you’d been mumbling to yourself while sitting at Kiku’s place. On the kotatsu, where you both sat, the Japanese boy had placed a teapot and two – now almost eaten – pieces of green matcha cheesecake. Intrigued by your whispers, Kiku cocked his head to the side, spoon-holding hand frozen in mid-air.

“Ah, it’s nothing, I just remembered something,” you explained shyly. “Sorry.”

“I see,” Kiku nodded politely, and then a small smile appeared on his face. “You’ve been getting lost in thought a lot lately. I bet you’re thinking improper things.”

“What?!” you almost collapsed, half due to embarrassment, half due to disbelief that the boy even said it. Kiku, teasing someone?! To think you’d live to see this day.

Still smiling, Kiku cleared his throat. “I’m just joking. But in all seriousness now, are you sure you’re okay? Is something troubling you?”

“I’m fine, I really am. It’s just that… I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

Kiku ate another spoonful of cheesecake, then put on a stern expression.

“This matter requires extraordinary measures.”

“What?”

Utterly confused, you watched Kiku pull out a new volume of your favourite manga. He caressed the cover almost lovingly—and then he extended his hand high up so that you couldn’t reach it.

“I was intending to lend it to you, that’s a shame,” Kiku’s expression was serious, but you swore, he was barely keeping himself from laughing. “This volume is quite fascinating. The main character—”

“AAAH!” you groaned, trying to reach the manga. “Don’t spoil it, Kiku! I’ve been waiting so long!”

“I have no choice, do I? Since you won’t tell me, Y/N-chan.”

As he pulled the manga even further away from you, Kiku seemed to be enjoying it so much that you felt more impressed than determined to get the book. Despite your attempts, it still remained in Kiku’s palm, out of your reach. Finally, after several futile tries, you gave up, letting out an angry puff.

“Really, Kiku, you can be quite stubborn.”

“I have to be when it comes to you,” he chuckled quietly, putting the manga down. “So, are you in the mood to confide in me now? I really don’t like seeing you sad.”

A grimace appeared on your face. It seemed you had no choice now – but maybe, just maybe, it was your chance.

“Well…” you started off, unsure how to put it into words. “Remember the time you explained _honne_ and _tatemae_ to me?”

It was just another long conversation the two of you had shared. You absolutely adored learning about the Japanese culture, and Kiku enjoyed explaning. You were always so excited, so focused on absorbing every single word he spoke.

According to his words, _tatemae_ was the public face, and _honne_ was the true feelings. You had a really hard time understanding why the Japanese people found it so important to maintain the façade of politeness, keeping everyone at arm’s lenght. And even harder time thinking that you were one of the ‘everyone’.

“I’ve tried to wrap my mind around this idea,” you continued, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “The way you always talk, your politeness, they are your _tatemae_. That’s what everyone see. Nobody ever sees your _honne_ though.”

Kiku watched you silently.

“So I’ve been thinking… Call me an intruder, or a weird foreigner… but I do want to understand you better. I want to see your _honne_ ,” having gathered the courage, you finished. “Do you mind that?”

Just for a few seconds, Kiku kept quiet, searching for the right words. You really hoped you hadn’t scared him.

“No. I don’t, if it makes you happy,” he answered firmly.

“Well then, can I ask you a question?” when the boy nodded, you decided to voice the most crucial question on your mind. “Have you ever liked someone? You know, as more than friends.”

“?! Why do you ask?” Kiku blurted out, suddenly looking alarmed. A slight blush dusted his cheeks. “You… You’ve been daydreaming about someone, right?” he stuttered, terror audible in his voice.

You rolled your eyes. Could Kiku get any more oblivious?

“No, of course not, silly! Why would I ask you to share your true thoughts and then ask such a question?”

“It’s…” he paused, visibly confused.

“Come on, get it right.”

Silence fell as you let Kiku think for a while. He was thinking so hard that you almost could see cogs spinning around his head. Finally, they snapped, and Kiku got as red as Lovino’s tomatoes.

“Okay. T-to answer your question about liking someone, I have. I do,” he corrected himself, staring down at the teacup in his hand. “And truth be told, I’d feel offended if you daydreamed about someone else.”

“Kiku…” you whispered, somewhat amazed at his honesty. “Worry not, the only person in my daydreams is you.”

For a few seconds, silence fell. You stared at the cheesecake crumbs on your plate, while Kiku, still blushing, didn’t even dare to look in your direction. What he didn’t expect was you to move in closer to him, then lean your head on his shoulder. Despite denseness, he didn’t make attempts to break the contact.

“You know, some people might have persuaded me to do this,” you chuckled, remembering the conversation with Francis and Alfred.

“W-what? How did they—?!” Kiku put on an expression of absolute dread. You burst out laughing.

“Because you’re pretty obvious, shy boy.”

“B-but—”

“Relax,” you silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips. “It all turned out for the best, right? Now, let’s snuggle under the kotatsu for just a little longer.”

Locking gazes with Kiku, you flashed a smile, which he slowly returned. Extending your hand, you let your fingers slowly embrace his palm.

Still a bit flustered, Kiku nodded, wrapping a blanket around you both. Little did he know that, for you, he was warmer than every blanket and every kotatsu in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this took me way too much time. As I was desperately trying to keep Kiku in character, the story kept being too serious and boring. It was until later that I realised Kiku, not taking from his usual personality, can also be playful, passionate and determined.  
> I don't think it turned out bad in the end, but the process was very frustrating.


End file.
